History felt very, very cold

26 01 2009

Here are your goddam inauguration photos. Enjoy!





Exclusively for those who enjoy enjoyment

26 01 2009

When I was in Washington DC last week, I happened across this gem on a table at everybody’s favorite pile of kindling, Cap Lounge, which I actually kind of hate, but what do you do. As a person who is, in fact, looking for both “enjoyment” and “life enrichment” I have to say I was intrigued, but the three-star promise of “much more” seemed kind of menacing.

capitol-hill-match

The real art, though, is the circa-1985 stock photography. I mean, if they actually had dudes like that in DC, I would never have left.





You’ll get your Inauguration photos when I’m good and ready

21 01 2009

Because Your Editor is both a masochist and an idiot, I booked a flight out of Washington “Reagan” National Airport the day after the biggest event in the history of the world ever and only arrived four hours before my scheduled flight (which takes me to Los Angeles via Boston, but that is another matter) thinking I’d have plenty of time to check in, check my bag and proceed through security. Evidently our friends at US Airways had other ideas; The wait to check in was more than five hours and quite possibly was just one big circle.

Which is all to say that you’ll get your Urbzen Inauguration photos when I’m goddamned ready to give them to you, which will not be today. In the meantime, you can catch up on Urbzen’s thrilling Inauguration coverage here, here and here.





The essential guide for visiting DC during Inauguration

18 01 2009

Welcome to the nation’s capital! We’re glad you’re here. To ensure this weekend is a great time for everyone, we’ve put together some friendly pointers to help you navigate the city.

  • Stand right, walk left. I cannot overstate this point. The entire city is going to be on edge this week, and blocking everyone’s progress is enough to get you shoved down the escalator.
  • Once you’re in the station, have your Metro card ready to avoid rummaging through your Spy Museum gift bag while everyone waiting behind you thinks about throwing you on the tracks. You knew you were going into a Metro station, right? This isn’t a surprise.
  • Should you make it all the way down the escalator and onto the train, your work still isn’t done. Please do not plant yourself directly in front of the door and then wonder, aloud, why everybody is pushing you. Grab your fannypack and get the hell out of the way.
  • Similarly, don’t walk three wide down the sidewalk at a pace slower than Robert Byrd on a bad day. Move it or lose it. Seriously.
  • When you’re eating out, if you don’t know what it is, you probably shouldn’t order it. You can try a kay-suh-dill-uh some other time.
  • Be advised that while your waiter probably will ask you where you are from, this is not your cue to recite the entire 300-year history of Texarkana. He’s only asking to be polite, and because he probably can’t think of one single other thing to chat you up about.
  • Despite the fact that you’re on vacation, this isn’t Disney Land. DC is an actual city where actual people work at their actual jobs. You might get lucky and find somebody who wants to stop and explain the difference between the 14 Smithsonian museums, but don’t count on it.
  • Nobody wants to know that this isn’t the way they do things in Toledo. God willing you’ll be back there soon enough, so shut the hell up already.

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Weekly Henry, Inaugural Edition

16 01 2009

inaugural-henry

Keep your eye on Urbzen for sexy Inauguration updates live from Washington, DC.  For even more awesome inaugural goodness, follow me on Twitter.





Urbzen Interactive Guide to Washington DC Safeways

15 01 2009

In the name of public service and inspired both by our impending trip to the nation’s capital (and Capitol) and by Wonkette’s coverage of Wax Barack Obama‘s tour of DC grocery stores, your friends at Urbzen have slaved day and night to create a snazzy interactive map of Washington DC’s various Safeways. The map includes photos of each Safeway as well as a brief explainaition of the store’s  nickname, which DC residents use to feel “insidery.” 

Click the image below to launch the Interactive Guide to Washinton DC Safeways

interactive-safeway-map-dc

Additional info on the District’s Parade of Safeways can be found at DCist and Gridskipper. Happy shopping

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