Cantor, Ryan Announce Congressional Varsity Caucus

9 04 2009

In a move that has sent excited whispers through the halls of Congress, Representatives Eric “Big E” Cantor and Paul “R-Money” Ryan yesterday announced the formation of the Congressional Varsity Clique Caucus, an organization they say will focus on reining in government spending, promoting open markets, and picking up chicks.


The CVC will not include noted loser John Boehner, who, sources say, is a total poser who everybody only hangs out with because he has a totally sweet rec room and always buys the beer.

At the announcement during homeroom morning session, Cantor and Ryan outlined the group’s priorities, which include messing with freshmen, pantsing Boehner and ditching class to go to concerts.

In an interview with, Ryan said the group was looking forward to getting to work and described the membership as “stoked.”




3 responses

9 04 2009

Stoked or stroked?

Rep. Boner needs to up his intake of smokes to 6 packs/day and drink even more. I don’t think he’s cried once this year on camera. Though that’s probably the real reason he wasn’t invited — chicks don’t dig crybaby fattypantses.

1 05 2009
Jonny Amplesack

Hi Rimjob Steph! It’s so cool when an internet nobody like you slimes people who are actually doing something.

1 05 2009

Ha ha, Jonny Amplesack. Let me guess, you have a small penis.

And creating a pretend new group of Republicans full of old Republicans just to pretend you’re coming up with new ideas doesn’t count as ‘actually doing something.’

Kind of like how calling yourself Jonny Amplesack pretty much calls you out as someone lacking in that department, tiny prick.

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