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Listen up, ladies! We might be in a recession, but everybody’s favorite shrieking loon Elisabeth Hasselbeck has come to our rescue with a new line of “pretty and polished separates” available for purchase via your very own tee vee machine!
Cut from fashionable polyester and starting at just $44, Elisabeth’s roomy tops and quirky capris are perfect for every occasion, from carpooling to Bunco night to restricting access to contraceptives.
Plus, because the line is only available via notorious crap–hawker QVC—shit, they let a drunken Paula Abdul on the air—you will have more adorably vacant Hasselbecky goodness beamed into your living room than ever before.
You’re welcome, America.
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Of course, I’d still hit it. That’s what ball gags are for.
And I’d prefer she continue to talk, and talk, and talk ad nauseum. She’s the best non-politician female advertisement we have against the insanity of Republicans. Not quite the female Rush Limbaugh. But give her time. We just need her to say a few more really hateful, rather than just plain stupid, things and then it’s torches & pitchforks time. Maybe something racist, like what got Limbaugh fired from Monday Night Football.
Don’t let us down, Lizzy. We’re counting on you!