Wednesday Morning Morons

4 03 2009

Not that there’s been a particular uptick in idiocy lately, but I thought now would be as good a time as any to pay tribute to some of the news-making idiots who perform the grand public service of making us all feel better about ourselves.

We’ll kick things off with 15-year old douchebucket McKay Hatch, who is apparently trying to eliminate any chance he may have of ever getting to third base by founding the ‘No-Cussing Club’ two years ago at his Pasadena middle school and has now managed to convince local legislators to proclaim this week ‘No Cussing Week’ for all of Los Angeles County. Captain Awesome here is the author of “The No Cussing Club: How I Fought Peer Pressure and How You Can Too,” and says that naughty words “just make me feel really offended and stuff. It just doesn’t make me feel good.” Well, um, fuck that.

And lest we forget that dolls can make us feel almost as sad as dirty words do, let’s honor West Virginia Delegate Jeff Eldridge, who has introduced legislation to ban the sale of Barbie dolls in the state.  Eldridge says the dolls influence girls to place too much importance on physical beauty, a notion clearly supported by all of the smoking hot women coming out of West Virginia these days. He also expresses concern for girls’ healthy development, and no doubt the Barbie ban will do more for their well-being than, say, addressing deficiencies in health care, fair pay or domestic violence prevention that led the National Women’s Law Center to give West Virginia a resounding F on its most recent Women’s Health Report Card.

Finally, we have Andy Rooney. What can you say about Andy Rooney except that the poor old man has gone completely ’round the bend and needs to be put out to pasture, or sent to the the big tee vee network in the sky? On Sunday, Rooney tackled the pressing and divisive issue of how months are spelled: 

 

 

And this? This is just wrong:

 

rooney

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5 responses

4 03 2009
Joel

whoa, never noticed his wonky right eye before. In the video there’s a closeup (at 1:07) which shows his split-screen vision; right eye somewhere off to the far right, left eye boring a hole right into you; both of which covered by hedges.

4 03 2009
John Bianchi

Marvelous.

When did these ‘cute’ issues, formerly good for a handshake photo-op at the local community board meeting, suddenly get elevated to DEFCON-4-importance and become worth wasting taxpayer money over in the state legislature?

Just think of all those bills concerning food safety, social programs and important new criminal codes that always get jammed to the back end of the legislative sessions because of complete bullshit like the Barbie doll ban and No Cussing, which isn’t even really a word. No cussing, just ignorant, hillbilly grunting, n’ stuff.

I beg to differ. Andy isn’t getting worse; he has always been exactly as insufferable as he is now, just a little faster.

Brilliant Wednesday Morning Moron post, @StephanieinCA.

@jnobianchi

4 03 2009
Dave

His fucking name is McKay Hatch? What an asshole.

11 03 2009
Erika

The kid is (wait for it) a KID! In THIS world, with the garbage that’s going on, you’re going to take potshots at some kid who wants to live in a kinder (if only sounding) place? Give me a break.

PS-I have been a hard-core cusser since the age of 14.

17 03 2009
lacienciacohete

I will never understand why people think cussing is such a big deal. Fuck that noise. McKay Hatch, if you’re out there reading this: YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE.

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